To whoever needs to hear this, 

 

A better life is possible, that I can promise you. No matter how far down you have fallen, no matter how dark it is and no matter how far the light seems. You deserve a better life. 

 

I am a drug addict. I didn’t choose to be one, but I am. I’m not going to get into what that involved or how much it damaged me when I was in active, but basically it took my life away — it destroyed everything, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. All I can say is it was utterly soul-destroying. I have been to the depths of darkness, a darkness like no other. But I am not the only one. I knew no hope, no life. I was empty. My skin was grey. I physically could not recognise myself in the mirror, the reflection was so far disconnected from me. I tried everything to ignore it. Believe me, I tried every single trick in the book to keep my using alive. I thought that was the only fuel to my life, and it was going nowhere fast. It took me a good few knocks to get me there. But when I got there – ‘rock bottom’ – I knew if there were any further to fall I would be dead. 

 

But it felt to me on that last day like there was the tiniest speck of light within me, in a sea of hollow, cold darkness. I wouldn’t even call it a light – a glow, a tiny spot of glowing light. It seemed to whisper to me – and I couldn’t quite make out what it was trying to communicate. But the next thing I had found myself trying to tell someone I needed help. And that was the first step. 

 

Words cannot begin to explain the stark contrast of where I was on that day to where I am now, here, 15 months later. You wouldn’t believe it — I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t experienced it first-hand. It is nothing short of a miracle (and yes, I was a cynic like you who didn’t believe in them either). Today the tables have not only turned – they’ve backflipped, jumped and somersaulted. As I’m writing this my hands are going so fast that I can’t even sit still. I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for where I am today. All that time ago I was nothing. Now, I have a job, I have real friendships and relationships, I am growing closer with my family (which is a miracle in itself), and I feel as though my life has purpose, it has HOPE. I have been on what feels like a lifelong journey over the last year-and-a-bit, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. There were so many times I wanted to absolutely run and go back to the empty shell I was, but I didn’t — and simply because of that I have things in my life now that were not only the things I once dreamed of, but the things I thought only ‘other’, ‘normal’ people could attain. I am happy for a much larger part of my life than I ever knew possible. Yes, life is still life, and I do still struggle with things. Even now, I feel as though I have to learn all of the basics that my generation learnt years back. But I am here. I can show up for myself. My soul is no longer that dark and dreary place. It is warm and full. No matter how difficult the days have been, how many times I’ve wanted to completely abandon this foreign thing called ‘life’ —  I am here today. I have started to make a life for myself. One that I can own, and be proud of. Don’t get me wrong, challenges still come up, periodically on a daily basis, but I deal with them. I am equipped to handle them and their effects. I get up and go, not only because it’s what you do in life, but because I have this light in my life I hadn’t even dreamed of before. I am so beyond grateful. The universe is there for me, I just chose to allow it in. 

 

You can get this immense contentment too. That I can promise you. If I look back on what I was to who I’ve become, I promise you anyone can get there. It’s not going to be easy, but I swear on my life it will be so beyond worth it. With the help of so many blessings (people) along my journey and the fellowship and steps of NA, I can finally see clearly after the longest storm. You can, too. Anyone can. You just have to be willing to get to the other side – and here it’s warm and sunny. 

 

With love from someone just like you.